Life has been a bit crazy as of late. I've been running around so much that time escapes me. I've just been putting a lot of energy into me and my son so I haven't had much time to blog. As of late things are pretty good. My son is starting daycare next week, inshaAllah. I decided to put him there because I thought it would be beneficial for him to be around other kids and learn new things. Of course I went through a list a mile long trying to find the right facility and alhamdulillah the one I found is perfect. The provider as I see it has passion for what she does and truly enjoys being with the children. A lot of the kids have been with her since they were infants and are still there. I'm just excited for my little one and still a bit nervous. Thig is going to be his first time around someone without me or my family. I know he is going to scream and cry but inshaAllah he will be fine. When he gets around other kids he tends to forget about me like mama who? SO I'll keep you updated on how that goes.

I've been taking up more sewing as well. I've started to wear niqab again since March, I think. And we know how hard it is to find niqabs other than black, black, a weird brown, olive green, navy blue, maybe plum, and more black. My solution to that is make your own. It really isn't that hard. The one layer tie back niqabs are my style and I don't really like the layered ones since it tends to one wanna blow in my face if I don't pin it. Plus you can find the fabric you like in whatever color you want and you don't have to have that horrble poly cotton backing that a lot of those niqabs have which I really can't stand. They tend to make me hotter and it sticks to my lips. Also I've made a few abaayat for myslef as well, just basic styles since its mostly what I wear everyday. A sister suggested I should make it into a business, since she technically my first customer who wanted to khimaar. InshaAllah maybe one day, I don't mind accepting custom orders.

AS for everything else, I'm just taking things day by day. I was suppose to be getting married back in April but things didn't work out as planned, so Im taking a back seat to it right now. Of course I want to be married and have a family but it isn't the priority and that was the problem I had before thinking that I needed to be married and desperatley wanting it but Im fi

To Take or Not to Take?

I've been debating the issue of whether or not to take birth control. I am to be married soon, inshaAllah and Ive discussed it with my future husband(actually ex-husband) and we decided that we do not want children right away and if it is the will of Allah.And no I'm not being pessimisstic in anyway. I don't go into a marriage thinking it isn't going to work. If I have my doubts in the beginning I just don't do it. Anyway, the reason being to really establish our relationship and that of out son's and our whole family dynamic. I have an appointment coming up with my doctor and I am going to discuss my options with her. It is a bit confusing all the birth control mumbo jumbo and so many different kinds, you have the combination pill, mini pill, the patch, pills with low estrogen, etc, etc, that its kind of hard to choose. I guess you just choose the one that is best for you and your situation. Like I plan, inshaAllah to have another child in the near future, I don't really like taking pills and have a habit of forgetting to take them, but considering the other options I think the pill be best(I'm not getting an IUD insert,and noway am I going to insert something up there and then have to fish out later). Now the next thing is which pill:combo or mini. Just in short and without having to go into so much detail(you can look it up for yourself)the combination pill contains estrogen and progesterone and.The mini pill has just progesterone in it and very small amounts of estrogen.

As for the Islamic viewpoint on it, its a bit controversial. Some ulema say its not allowed at all, that the purpose of marriage is to have children. According to others, it isn't allowed just to be a convienience but there has to be some need for it like the mother's health might be jeopardized by another pregnancy and just out of plain necessity. For the full fatwa click here .

Now to me the best spacing for kids is two years for this gives your body enough time to somewhat "heal" from the last pregnancy, especially if you've had a c-section. Trust me it really throws your body out of whack. I still feel like Im recooperating in someway. Anyway what are your thoughts?

If You Had 24 Hours

****This was from a couple of weeks ago and I just realized I didn't post it.***********

My mother had turned on the radio early this morning and they were talking about the tsunami that hit Japan. They were discussing what they would do if they only had 24 hours to live. Some the responses were I would all my favorite food, throw the party of my life and go out with a bang. One was really appalling saying if I was still a virgin I would lose my virginity. SubhanAllah. Really? If you knew that you were going to die in 24 hours, that is what you would do?

Wouldn't you want to be supplicated asking Allah for forgiveness, to praise Him, to ask Him to have mercy on you? This comes to show how people are so blinded by the life of this world and all its charms. They have become so wrapped up in the materialistic things of this dunya and forget about their creator

The time and place of our death are known to none except Allah (SWT). This is part of the wisdom of Allah. If we knew when we were gonna die, we would be more focused on or worship to Allah. But this life is a test and knowing that would make things too easy. This is why we need to make sure that we make dhikr, du'a and more ibadah each and everyday for we never know when Allah will call us back to Him. So remind yourself everyday, what have I done to secure my akhira?

My Latest Obsession

The past few months Ive been very much into henna. I have had it done a few times throughout the years but this time around I wanted to learn how to do it myself. One website which really gives you the basics is hennapage.com. They have a lot of resources and breaking down all that pertains to henna, applying it, how to mix it, aftercare, designs, etc.

Right now it is just a hobby that I enjoy. It really helps me to be creative and definitely relaxing as I can have some me time away from everyone else. I want to inshaAllah one day to take classes. One sister has online classes she teaches which aren't expensive at all and I love her work. MashaAllah she just opened her new store in Portland Oregan. Check her out at freehandmehndhi.com. She also has a youtube channel as well.

Another artist I really admire is Jamilah Zebarth of Jamailah Henna Creations. From my knowledge she has been doing henna for a long time and has her own design book. Her style is more floral designs, which are beautiful and girly. She is also a niqabi :)

This design is inspired by Jamilah, done by Henna by Heather, whose designs I also love.

Not Every Muslimah Who Wears An Abaya is Arab

I was asked this question the other day by a Yemeni sister-Min Maghrebi?. It roughly means are you Moroccan/from Morocco? I replied no, I am American (La, Amreeki). She had a surprised look on her face like you are American yet you wear abaya and can speak Arabic? Alhamdulillah I've been blessed to have study Arabic from when I was very young til my teen years. I can't fully speak Arabic. I can understand way more than I can speak it and I can't understand certain dialects. From what some people tell me Yemeni Arabic is the hardest to understand. I had to get used to Khaleeji Arabic with -ich like kayf 7alaich? I learned fusha or proper Arabic if you can call it and every Arab country has their own dialect.

Anyway, I've been asked many times if I am either Moroccan or Egyptian. To myself I don't really look it. To give a bit of a background on my ethnicity, from my mother's side, both of her parents are from the South. My grandmother is half native American and African American. My grandfather is African American and ancestry is from West Africa. Also there is some Irish mixed in there. On the paternal side, my grandfather is 100% Native American, while my grandmother, well all I can tell you she is from Oklahoma. From that I just consider myself basically American with African roots.

I see that a lot of people, not only Arabs, would think a woman who wears an abaya is assumed from the Middle East or North Africa. They think she knows Arabic and her whole family is from there. I guess this more or less goes for the sisters who they can't really tell where they come from or look a little more "exotic" if I may say. When you tell them otherwise, some of them won't believe you like you are trying to hide that you are. From other experiences with people who are from Western countries who go to Arab countries, who aren't of Arab descent and dress like the locals, its hard for the locals to fathom that woman outside of that country, mainly in the US, Canada, wear abaya.

The abaya is considered to be something that is cultural to those of Middle East, so a lot of people wonder why a lot of Muslim women who aren't from that region wear it. The reason I wear an abaya, no I am not trying to Arab or anything like that, is because to me and many other sisters, it is the easiest option that fulfills the requirement of proper hijab. It is loose and covers the body without showing your adornements or the shape of your body. Honestly what modern form of dress really does that in this day and age of the skinny jeans and body hugging clothes. I'm not saying that a long shirt. tunic with a skirt aren't proper hijab, but my opinion is that of the abaya and Allah knows knows best.

As for the lesson, not every woman who wears an abaya is Arab or speaks Arabic nor does every Arab wear abaya (as is seemed to believe)-actually most of the Arabs that I know don't even wear hijab and are Muslim.

Putting My Last Post into Practice

A few days ago the very thing I posted about last time was really put to the test. My brother and I had gotten into a huge argument over stupidity and started to say things about me that were really disrespectful. I ignored it at first but what really pushed me over the edge when he said something about my son and even went far to cursing Islam. I became so angry.

When it comes to me people can say what they want to say. Ive heard the whole terrorist thing, muslim women are oppressed, or as according to my brother you are just part of a cult and you sit on the floor with your little friends chanting, I've heard it all. I usually ignore the people who are completely ignorant of Islam. I will usually take that as an excuse. But someone who was raised upon Islam and knows good well what it is about and says something an ignorant person might say, then I get angry and mostly upset.

Something else happened that was dumbfounding but I just don't have the heart to repeat. It makes me take a long good look at my family and really wonder what in the world has happened. I feel like I am not from them, like I came from somewhere else or Im the convert. I was raised in a pretty good Muslim household that followed the Qur'an and Sunnah. Now when the Qur'An or Sunnah is mentioned peoples desires take over and what Islam says is tossed out the window. But the funny thing is that someone is trying to reprimand the other with what the Qur'an says but you yourself isn't adhering to that. Does that say hypocrisy?

I haven't spoken to my brother since it happened. I'm just tired of talking sometimes because I know I'm talking to the wall. I haven't openly forgiving him because Im just not ready to.Every time I see him it just upsets me. I guess have to reread my last post. I love and care about my family and I pray that Allah forgives them for what they do and forgives for anything I might have done.

Never Give Up on People

The past 2 years have been such a roller coaster for me. I have come a long way and learned a lot of things about myself and others. I learned who my real friends are, who to trust, who to let go, how not to be to hard on myself, to give things time and most importantly how to forgive.

Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest things to do, especially when someone has done something so wrong to you and hurt you down to your core. Most of us hold onto the things that happen and it starts to consume us and it becomes you. Forgiveness isn't easy but it is important in order to live a normal and sane life.

I know I have a habit of forgiving someone and just removing them from my life forever without any explanation and calling it a day and not giving them a chance. This time around in my life I took the other way. I forgave a long time ago and just see what time will tell and alhamdulillah everything and everyone is coming around. Sometimes we go through hard times in our life and can't see things clearly, we act in certain ways that is out of character and it takes a while before we realized what we done. To be more specific without going into too much detail is the situation with me and my son's father. We have been to hell and back but now we are starting to see things in a different light and starting to understand each other and things are so much better. I guess what we had to do was to really forgive each other and forget about the past (that's the key, not holding on to the past) and try to move forward. I never really gave up on us even after all the things we have gone through. You give them time and see if they will change for the better. And we both changed for the better. InshaAllah the second time around might work.

So the lesson for today is: Allah SWT is forgiving, so we should be forgiving to others as well no matter what it is.

A New Me

AsSalaamu Alaikum fellow bloggers, I am still around and I haven't forgotten about you. Life can take a hold of you to the point where you can't find the time to do anything. Alhamdulillah I have the time now so I decided why not blog.

My son and I have been doing well. He is a normal toddler running around, getting into anything possible, and Im enjoying every minute for it. Life is still the same. Still trying to find the right direction to take with Allah's guidance. InshaAllah I'll get there. I trying to take a fresh and clear approach to things. Im taking the time to take more me time whenever I can. I know many moms feel guilty when they aren't always there with their children but in order to the best for them you have to take care of yourself. So Ive been trying to get healthier, eating a little better than I have been, taking longer walks, things like that and alhamdulillah Im starting to see the difference. I'm less moody and anxious, I have more energy and don't feel too lazy throughout the day. I have also

taken the time to work on my ibaada, to make more du'a, read more Qur'an in such, basically working on my relationship with Allah SWT because without that we are all lost. Im also making it a goal to memorize Juz Amma (Part 30 od the Qur'an). Im ten surahs short. Ive just fully memorized Surah Buruj and I feel pretty proud. One thing I also learned is to read Qur'an to your children. The other day I was reading to my son and then later in the day he was sitting in the floor and he was like mumbling to himself and it was like he was trying to recite. Then the next day he was holding my Qur'an and doing the same mumbling voice. Mash'Allah how kids learn. They mimic what we see, so we have to be good examples for them. That's how I learned many surahs from my father reciting. Insha'Allah my son will follow in my footsteps.

At a Crossroad

AsSalaamu alaikum my dear readers. I know I am so infrequent with my blog post. Please forgive me. Many times I have the intention to blog but either time escapes me or I just have a serious case of writers block.

Alhamdulillah I have been doing well. THe little one is good as well. He just turned 1 a few weeks ago. Can you believe its been a whole year? The things that can happen in that amount of time. How children grow so much. They start out as these little helpless beings, that depend on you for everything. Then they start to grow and develop into independent beings, still very much dependent but more of a mind of their own. My son just amazes me everyday. He is this little ball of energy, full of life, and a great personality. He thinks he is grown and does what he wants to do and throws and serious tantrum at times if you try to tell him otherwise. But most of the time he is the sweetest little thing ever who loves hugs and kisses and cuddling. He is just filled with love. Every morning I look forward to seeing his face and just talking with him. He is so conversational. Of course a lot of it you can't understand, but I love his little babbling.

Being a mom is a wonderful feeling, but it is also a bit challenging at times. You want the best for your children and hope that you are doing whatever you can to make sure they have a good life. Sometimes people can get in the way of that. My family and I don't really see eye to eye on certain things. I'm the only one who really practices in my family, only Allah knows what they have in their hearts. Alhamdulillah they help me whenever they can and I am highly grateful but certain things I can't stand nor tolerate. The constant swearing, aggressiveness, not praying, etc..that I do not want my son around. Yes he is young now but he is at the age where he starts to mimic the things he sees and hears.

Now here is the dilemma do I stay or do I go?

He has been around my family since day one and he is really attached to my mom and brothers. Alhamdulillah he has a great relationship with them. This is basically home to him, but Im just concerned about what he is learning and is it going to affect him. I want my son to have stability and to be around those who love him but at what cost. DO I have him around

Update

I know I haven't really been updating like I have intended to do. My life has just been a whirlwind. With Ramadan, motherhood, and other issues Im lucky if I can remember my name at the end of the day. There are soooo many things I wanna blog about yet time won't allow me too. InshaAllah when things settle down a little bit, I'll be more free to share more. Thank you to the sisters who still keep in contact. As for the little one, alhamdulillah he will be 11 months old in a couple of days. It is amazing how time flies. He is already walking (has been for 3 weeks now). I guess he tells himself he has to keep up with his crazy uncles. I swear he went to standing up on his own for 2 days to taking a couple of steps for a week, to walking distances for a day to running everywhere. He just puts a huge smile on my face.