At a Crossroad

AsSalaamu alaikum my dear readers. I know I am so infrequent with my blog post. Please forgive me. Many times I have the intention to blog but either time escapes me or I just have a serious case of writers block.

Alhamdulillah I have been doing well. THe little one is good as well. He just turned 1 a few weeks ago. Can you believe its been a whole year? The things that can happen in that amount of time. How children grow so much. They start out as these little helpless beings, that depend on you for everything. Then they start to grow and develop into independent beings, still very much dependent but more of a mind of their own. My son just amazes me everyday. He is this little ball of energy, full of life, and a great personality. He thinks he is grown and does what he wants to do and throws and serious tantrum at times if you try to tell him otherwise. But most of the time he is the sweetest little thing ever who loves hugs and kisses and cuddling. He is just filled with love. Every morning I look forward to seeing his face and just talking with him. He is so conversational. Of course a lot of it you can't understand, but I love his little babbling.

Being a mom is a wonderful feeling, but it is also a bit challenging at times. You want the best for your children and hope that you are doing whatever you can to make sure they have a good life. Sometimes people can get in the way of that. My family and I don't really see eye to eye on certain things. I'm the only one who really practices in my family, only Allah knows what they have in their hearts. Alhamdulillah they help me whenever they can and I am highly grateful but certain things I can't stand nor tolerate. The constant swearing, aggressiveness, not praying, etc..that I do not want my son around. Yes he is young now but he is at the age where he starts to mimic the things he sees and hears.

Now here is the dilemma do I stay or do I go?

He has been around my family since day one and he is really attached to my mom and brothers. Alhamdulillah he has a great relationship with them. This is basically home to him, but Im just concerned about what he is learning and is it going to affect him. I want my son to have stability and to be around those who love him but at what cost. DO I have him around

Update

I know I haven't really been updating like I have intended to do. My life has just been a whirlwind. With Ramadan, motherhood, and other issues Im lucky if I can remember my name at the end of the day. There are soooo many things I wanna blog about yet time won't allow me too. InshaAllah when things settle down a little bit, I'll be more free to share more. Thank you to the sisters who still keep in contact. As for the little one, alhamdulillah he will be 11 months old in a couple of days. It is amazing how time flies. He is already walking (has been for 3 weeks now). I guess he tells himself he has to keep up with his crazy uncles. I swear he went to standing up on his own for 2 days to taking a couple of steps for a week, to walking distances for a day to running everywhere. He just puts a huge smile on my face.

What’s going on

Alhamdulillah, Ramadan is going pretty well. It was just what I needed for a long time. I've been up and down, round and round with everything. I felt like I needed to be centered and this month has managed to do that. The last time I was around I had just had my son. My life has been turned upside ever since. Motherhood surely changes your life. I guess the secret to it is to accept the change as it comes and don't try to be perfect. Routine is nice but doesn't always work. I just roll with the punches as they come.

As for everything else, I am just trying to do my best to find balance, trying to put the pieces to my life. I've been on my own before my son was born. My son's father, even before I knew I was pregnant, decided he didn't want to be around. So it's just been Zayd and I, which I really don't mind. I think we are better off that way. I guess I never talked about it before while I was pregnant, some people knew, just to avoid the negativity which seems to fly around the blog world. But I'm no longer concerned of the negative comments. Even in my absence on my blog, I have gotten a lot of e-mails from sisters who needed advice on certain situations they were going through that I had been through and relayed through my blog. That is the number one reason I started blogging and stated in my first post that I wanted to be able to connect with others. Most of the time we feel we are the only ones going through something when matter fact there are so many others who are going through the same exact thing. That is what matters to me, being able to share my stories and experiences and being relatable to others. Yes everyone has their opinion and you aren't always going to agree but the key is to respect what the other one has to say. There were so many times where I felt like I desperately needed to blog but due to lack of internet access, I couldn't. Now there are a million and one things I want to talk about but it's not summing out like it should. I guess it'll all come out slowly but surely. I need to just take my time. I discuss a lot more things later on.

As for my son, he is 10 months old now and just a little ball of energy. He is crawling everywhere and getting into anything he can. He should start walking soon. He already stands up on his own and takes a step then drop to the ground. It's amazing to watch him grow up, even though he is growing up a little too fast for me. It's like you blink and then a year has passed by. He was already trying to look at everything and hold his head up when he was born. That should have told me what to expect. He is the one of the best things in my life and even though it hasn't been easy, I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. Yes I know that sounds so cliché, it is absolutely true. There are times where I want to pull my hair out my head and scream, but just seeing him hay and smiling makes it all worth it.

Insha'Allah, there will be more to come and I'll try to post as often as I can.

 

 

 

Ramadan Mubarak,..from a stranger

AsSalaamu Alaikum everyone. I know its been so long since Ive blogged and I have really really missed it. So much has happened in the past months and I guess I just wasnt up to blogging, especially with having a little one. They definitely do change your life. I had to really adjust to that and being in a new place. Also I didnt really have reliable internet access so thats another reason. But alhamdulillah Im back now and inshaAllah I wont be going anywhere soon. So many new things to discuss, so many new adventures to talk back. I'll get to them in time. Just wanted to let everyone know I am still here.