It Ends Right Now

Most of you know the drama of my life when I was previously married. I had cut of all connection to my ex-husband. I didn't wanna speak to him or anything.

So it was a bit weird that 3 days I had called one of my friends and she told me that he had called her asking for my number. Alhamdulillah she thought I had changed my number because when she called me to try to see if it was okay to give him my number, my phone was disconnected thanks to no signal. Apparently it seems he erased my number but then it seems like it found it, remembered it or something cuz he texted me yesterday.

It was just so weird. He would send me like 10 messages at a time saying things like 'I miss you, do you still love me, I love you and I want you back, Im so depressed that you aren't in my life, I messed up, I need you'. Does he think Im crazy? Does he think that Im gonna come running back to him.

HELL NOOO!!!! He surely is taking me as a fool right now. I know he's tryna play on my emotions, seeing if Im some sort of feelings for him, but he is completely mistaken. After what he did, I cut my losses a long time ago. There's no way in the world Im going back. I texted him back saying that he can't say things like to me and that Im a married woman, but he kept texting me back. I told my husband about it and he doesn't like it, but he doesn't wanna get involved and I don't want him too. Im tryna settle it on my own. I shouldn of changed my number a long time ago, but you know 21 year olds, we can't remember anything lol.

What he is doing is so disrespectful. What made it even more disrespectful that he sent a text asking me if I consummated my marriage. Subhanallah!! That is none of his damn business. I know he has some alterior motive behind this.

As is says in the Sharia (Islamic Law), if a husband divorces his wife with 3 divorces, she cannot remarry him until she marries another husband, consummates that marriage, and that husband divorces her.

I know that is what he is thinking, but it's not gonna happen. I feel sorry for him in away but it's time to move on a get on with life. He messed up and now he's feeling the pain because he lost someone he know was good. Now it's my husbands time to shine-lol. Insha'Allah, he'll be able to move on and find somone else. May Allah make him a better person and ease his heart.

Now first thing on my list of things to do:- CHANGE MY NUMBER. Hopefully that'll get the message thru lol

Daughters of Another Path

As most of you know, I was born Muslim. But I love to hear the stories of those who have reverted to Islam. They are always so inspiring and sometimes bring tears to my eyes. They struggles the faced to tell their families, friends, and the negativity the sometimes dealt with. I read a book not that long ago called Daughters of Another Path: Experience of American Women Choosing Islam by Carol Anderson.

The author is the christian mother whose daughter converted to Islam, In the book she explores the path that American Christian woman have taken towards Islam. I really loved the book because it was very objective; the author was honest with her feelings but yet never criticized anyone for their beliefs. It's very relatable and a lot the stories are inspiring. I also love how it tells bothe sides of the stories, first from the daughters and then how their families felt. So you get a true understanding of the whole picture. It even includes the survey that the author had sent out to help compile the book. I highly suggest it to all muslim and non-muslims alike, especially those who are new reverts, it can serve as a guideline and inspiration of how to deal with the struggles you might face with your families.

Here is the description on the back cover:-

The rapid growth of Islam in America is a current phenomenon. Why are our American daughters leaving their Christian bacgrounds and choosing Islam, a religion that requires discipline, submission, and being "different?"

Daughters of Another Path reveals some of the resons and thought processes that led these daughters into a new journey in their spiritual life.

You will experience some of the hurt and frustratuon of paretns and families as they deal with their daughters' choosing another path.

Yet it is a heartwarming book by a non-Muslim mother telling her story of reconciliation with her own daughter's conversion to Islam and includes stories of fifty-three other American women who have chosen Islam.

Happy Reading :)

Watch Out! Muslim Woman Driving!

I just got back from my first driving lesson and Im proud to say I didn't kill anyone or hit anything and my husband's car (or my soon to be car) is still intact with no scratches. Alhamdulillah it went better than I expected it. I was soo nervous.

My husband just pulls into a parking lot (of a church no less) and then tells me to get in the drivers seat. I thought that he was just gonna show me how to turn, put the car in reverse, etc just the basics you think. NO. He tells me to take the car onto the road. Mind you, the last time I was behind the wheel of a car I was like 15, it would be 19 but sittin behind the wheel of you mom's car to turn it on doesn't count.

At least I didn't freak out, it just made me a bit more nervous. I know the guy who was driving behind was getting mad or I think he was, but at least he didn't curse at me or honk he's horn. If it was NY, those swear words would of been flying like crazy. But thank God people are a bit nicer and patient down here.

If it was my driver's test, I think I would of failed 1) for taking my hands off the wheel. My hubby is saying Im dangerous because of it. The car didn't spin outta control or crash so no big deal right? 2) I turned without signaling and didn't come to a complete stop, oh well I'll remember it next time I guess. I think that's all, but overall I did a good job.

My husband was making fun of me because I was stopped at a school bus and a little girl got off the bus and crossed the street. He kept saying 'don't hit her, don't hit her unless you wanna go to jail'. Mind you the girl was crossing like 100 ft away and the car was at a complete standstill. I know, he's just messing with me. Insha'Allah, we'll see how tomorrow's driving lesson goes, if I live to tell about it, just kidding ;)

I Have an Itch, Should I Scratch?

Please don't get weirded out by the post title. I don't have a yeast infection or a crazy skin condition lol. The itch I'm talking about is the baby itch. Some of you know what I'm talking about. That feeling that you just wanna have a child of your own to love and care for. It's funny cuz that feeling usually comes around when you spend a lot of time around another persons child, and for me I can't even tell the last time I was around a baby, maybe back in Ramadan at the masjid. Maybe I could be wrong but Im having that feeling.

I really dont wanna rush things. Im enjoying being newly married and spending time with my husband. People say that I should wait and just enjoy my marriage and enjoy each other first because once a child comes along everything is gonna change. I completely agree with it and I don't wanna rush anything but it's like my soul is craving a child, for lack of better words. I fully understand the responsibility that I child requires and that its not easy but there is so much blessing to it.

In my previous marriage, I became pregnant early on, about 2 months after we had gotten married. I ended up miscarrying around 2 1/2-3 months. Yea it was sad, but it was the qadr of Allah and now I see why it happened.

I've talked to my husband about it even before we got married and he said he's caught between 2 things. He said he wants to wait til after he finishes grad school, which is next year, but then on the other hand he really wants to have a child now, just one, and also to get his mom offhis back. You know how mothers are when they want grandchildren-thankfully my mom isn't part of that group but I know she'll be happy either way. I then asked him again after we got married and he said he wants to have children pretty soon.

So now Im thinking is soon like weeks, months away? Yea I know Im crazy but like I said it's that damn itch that won't go away. It's getting so bad that Im watching all those baby shows, like the one on TLC A Baby Story. I think he watched it with me, maybe he got the hint because honestly in a way that's what I was hoping to do. I would just accidently stumble across the show while channel surfing and become interested like Ive never seen it before. I know Im bad lol.

Insha'Allah, in the near future you might be reading about a bun in hte oven, but for now I'll try to be a bit more patient.

A Girl Can Never Have Too Many Abayas

This is soo very true. All I ever really wear is abayas, so the more the merrier. Since I couldn't think of anything for my dowry, my husband suggested that he just buy me abayas, whichever ones I want as long as I dont go overboard with it, like max out his credit card overboard. That's a girls dream and my dream come true. Soon as he said that, I already knew the ones I wanted. I had to convince him about ordering things from oversees because he's a bit finicky about it since it takes longer and he says you never know if they'll actually send it to you. But Im pretty confident. All of them are from websites that I or friends who purchashed from and haven't had any trouble alhamdulillah. Well here are a few of the ones I picked and are in the process of ordering:

This one is absolutely pretty. It's from Tahura.com. What I love about tahura is that they custom make the abaya for you. You choose the measurements, the color of the designs (they have a long list of colors), and whether you want the abaya open or closed. That's just unbelievabley awesome. I like the colors the chose above, but I would probably do white and another neutral.

Also from tahura, this is my favorite out of all of them. Too bad it's not made out of the material display. As it says on the website satin material in pictured abaya for iluustration purposes only. All abayas will be cut from the normal 'softtouch' tahura abaya material. It would be nice if they did, but it's still beautiful. Im gonna order it as is.

Im always looking for something a bit different and this abaya makes the cut. This one is from 2hijab.com It has a beautiful ribboned trimmed hood and flowing sleeves. To get a better look at it click here. The pictures will say enough.

For my satin craving, this abaya from al-hijaab is so beautiful. It looks too nice for everyday, but for those days I just wanna look glam and chic, this will do the trick. And the plus side, it comes with the matching shayla FREE!!!! That makes my day lol.

And last but not least Im gonna get a plain black open style abaya, once I find one I like. A girl can never have too many of those. It's an abaya wardrobe.

Nothing to Fear

Well you already know I got married the other day. The thing behind it is that I never told my family about my intention. Why you may ask? Because 99.9% of my family are non-Muslim, only me and my mom are, and they don't really understand the concepts and the reasons of marriage in Islam.

You think I would of told my mother, but I still didn't even let her know. Was it selfish of me? I don't think so. I believe I was looking out for my best interest. Was I scared? In a way I was. I wasn't scared of the idea of getting married or moving away to another state, or what my family would of said because their opinion wouldn't have changed my mind. I was a bit scared to tell my mother because of the way she reacted when I told her I got married the first time. She was SO upset.

It was mostly my fault, the way I went about getting married to my first husband. I had told my mom about him and she met him, but we never made our intentions clear. I told my mom that I wasn't planning on getting married and I was gonna wait....Yeah right!!! I ended up getting married a week later, and I didn't show up at home the next day or the day after that because I had moved in with my ex-husband. I had came back home to get the rest of my things and my brothers were there and they already knew I was married because I was packing my things and leaving. My mom called me the next day I asked me if I got married? I told her yes and she flipped on me. She was angry at the fact that I didn't tell her anything at all, that she heard from someone else. It was sad how she found out.

The story is a bit complicated but I told my best friend right before I got married. She then told her mother who passed it on to someone else and then that someone else passed it to others and then everyone was going to my mom to say congratulations on something she had no clue about. Now how is this all linked together? My mom teaches at an Islamic school. My friend attended high school at the school my mom works at. My friend's mom also worked at the school and still knows all the staff and keeps in touch. So my friends my mom called one of the teachers and that were it started to spread. Then as always, the story started to change. People started saying the reason I got married was because I was pregnant, which I was totally NOT!! This is what happens when a bunch of women who have nothing better to do but talk and gossip all day do. I figured my mom was pretty embarrassed so she called me to set everything straight. She told me that I should of had let her know because she wanted to be there when I got married. I felt really bad that I hurt my mom, but I was so caught with someone who in the long run turned out to be bad for me.

So the second time around, you think I would have done things differently, well not quite. Instead of straight out telling her I kinda hinted it to her. I told her I was interested in my husband and all the good stuff. She was pretty impressed and wanted to talk to him. He had called her and talked to her for a little while. I told my mom that I was flying down to NC to visit him and I was going to be away for a week. I bet she figured I was getting married but of course she didn't say anything. I spent 3 days looking for the right words to say to her, to let her know I was getting married. Finally I told her the next day. Well actually I didn't say it my husband did. I was way too nervous because I didn't know how she would react to it since my mother is very unpredictable. When my husband handed me back the phone the first thing my mom said to me was thaat I was a chicken and she was gonna pluck my feathers like one. lol. I know my mother is crazy. She said I should of just spit it out and said it. She wasn't gonna kill me or anything. She said she was happy for me and that this might be the best thing for especially after what happened in my last marriage. She said that me starting off new, in a new place, new house, new people will be good. Also she told me to make sure that I visit my relatives who live out here and she said she'll always be my mother and she'll always be there. Pheww!!! What a relief that was but I know its not the end of what she has to say. I'm going back to NY tomorrow to get a few more of my things so then my transition will be complete, then I'll be flying right back down Saturday.

Why is that most of us are scared to tell our parents things? Is it out of fear or disappointing them or what they are gonna say? I think for me it was more of hurting my mom because Im living in a different state and I won't be as close to her as she likes. Im the only girl and the oldest so you know how that goes. But Im older and have to spread my wings and take flight. I can't stay in the nest forever. I think parents never really want to think of that day and dread it but they know it'll happen. But I know my mom will be okay,she knows Im an adult and have to make decisions on my own and alhamdulillah she respects it. She never really interferes with my life, she lets me live but of course still gives me advice along the way. I'll still love her no matter where in the world I may be. May Allah make things easy for her and myself. Ameen

Eid Mubarak

Ramadan has surely flew by this year. It seem like it started just yesterday. It's bittersweet but insha'Allah we keep up on our ibaadah and notbecome Ramadan muslims.

Today has been pretty good, well actually more like absolutely fantastically amazing. I got married today right after Eid prayer. Yes Im finally a newly married woman again. I feel like Im floating on clouds right now. It was a very simple ceremony, just me, my husband, and a handful of other people besides the imam and my wali. It was just how I wanted it to be. It was really foggy and raining but it didn't dampen my day one bit. Just seeing my husband's smile surely made it sooo much brighter. He is an absolutely wonderful man. All the words in the world aren't enough to help me describe him. He is truly a great blessing from Allah SWT that I'll never take for granted. He truly completes me and surely my deen feels completed since marriage is half of your deen. I couldn't be any happier right now. Allah has surely blessed me with more than I ever thought of. Surely Allah is the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

And what did I do right after the wedding? We went to Starbucks and had a iced chai tea latte, yum! We absolutely LOVE starbucks. Insha'Allah we will be going to the movies later to continue our celebration. Tomorrow we plan on going to this big Eid celebration here in NC, which should be fun and the hubby is taking me to dinner tomorrow night as well. I'm just ecstatic to be a newlywed for the second time. This time around surely feels so much better. I feel like telling the whole world of my marriage. Im sorry if Im rambling on but I really can't help it. I feel blessed. Insha'Allah, I'll feel like this everyday of my marriage, which I hope it'll be til the day I die. Until next time from my fairy tale come true...As-Salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuhu :)

A New Beginning

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu....I hope you didn't miss me =). I don't think I was gone long enough for anyone to miss me. But here I am with a full fresh start, away from the drama of my old life. I decided to keep the same blog but just spruced it up a bit. I deleted alot of the previous posts because I didn't wanna be reminded of all the old things that happened. Insha'Allah, I hope all of you like it.

So what's going on?? I finally moved, yay!!! It feels too good to be away from NY, away from all the noise, the lights, the people, the crowds, just the city in general. Where Im at now is soooo much quieter, peaceful, serene, and perfect. I've never been happier. As for my wedding, it should be taking place within the next couple days. Can't wait for that. It's just gonna be very simple, nothing over the top. Just me, my husband, the imam, my wali, and the 2 witnesses, that's all I need. I've never been into the whole go outta way, spend your life-savings type wedding. I'm a very simple person, too simple at times, but that's how I like it. I'm just gonna wear an abaya that I already have, which I haven't worn much because it's a bit too fancy for everyday wear, nice shoees, and a new hijab.

My family is not gonna be present because they are all the wayback in NY, and I'd rather not have them there. They aren't too keen on me getting married again, especially after my last marriage, which I believe that they are still angry at me for. Insha'Allah, when I visit NY probably around Thanksgiving or Christmas, when the hubby is off from school, I'll have a little get together o what not. We'll see. But overall, I don't care what my family says, it's not gonna stop me from doing what I wanna do. Whether they like it or not, Im my own person, who can make her own decisions.

Anyway, I'm just oo excited to let anything spoil my day. Alhamdulillah my husband to be is great. So much better than the last one. Allah SWT has been very merciful to me and I am soo grateful. He is more than words can describe. Everything I wanted, everything I needed and then some. Insha'Allah we will have a blessed life together.

So from here and now my new journey begins. I look forward to sharing all the good times and bad, but hopefully more good, only time will tell.

Some good news

Just to let you know that insha'Allah I may be getting married again. You may say it's too soon or you are rushing things, but I truly believe in my heart this is the right thing to do. Alhamdulillah I met a good brother and I've been talking to him for a while and it almost seems too good to be true, but I feel like Allah has answered my dua. I've made istikhaarah about it, and yesterday the feeling just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was telling me to just go for it you have nothing to lose. He lives in another state, which isn't too far only 2hours by plane, so Insha'Allah, I will be flying down next weekend. Yes you might say that I shouldn't travel by myself, that I need a mahram, but I don't have one and I am not naive about anything. When my gut says something, I follow and its telling me that its right.
I'm feeling very good about things. I've let soo many opportunities pass me by in life and I'm not gonna let another go. I don't wanna look back a think about the path untaken, thinking what would of happened if I did this or that. I want no regret. I'm ready to leave NY and see what else is out there in the world. I don't wanna limit myself to anything. I'm taking a risk by doing it, but I'm a risk taker. You don't know what you get until you go after it. Insha'Allah so by next week, I will be a married woman, something I've wanted for awhile. Hopefully, things are better the second time around. I ask that you keep me in your duas and wish me luck. They next time you'll hear from me I'll be blogging from a different state and a different blog. As-salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu.

To Move or Not to Move?

As-Salaamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu
No I'm moving to a different state or country (well not right now, but that's another story).I've thinking for awhile now to change my blog, really moving to a new blog. With all this drama that has been in my life for the past couple of months, I just want a clean and new start. I'm about to embark on a new journey, in a new place, and insha'Allah with a new person. It's best to live all those problems and the past. This chapter has closed and another one is about to begin. Insha'Allah in the near future Through My Muslim Eyes will be all new. I hope that my dear readers will tag along wherever I go. I don't know if I'll still be blogging here for the time being or just wait til I start my new blog. I'll keep you updated. =)