Just An Update

Alhamdulillah, Ive been doing well. Baby still hasn't come yet. It seems like he is gonna turn into an October baby. My due date is 5 days away and Im trying patiently to wait. I really wanna get this over with. I know people say its easier to take of a baby while its still in the womb than outside but I rather be able to see and hold my baby.

Its not like Im getting any sleep as it is. I get like 4 hours of sleep a day if Im lucky. Every way I try to lay is really uncomfortable and then I get really hot even with the air on. Also waking up 10 times in the middle of the night to use the bathroom isn't fun either. I still try to do things like cook and clean to keep myself busy but I can only do so much but I hate seeing dishes in the sink too. Like the other morning I woke up for fajr couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up made breakfast, watched a little tv and thought I could fall back asleep.

WRONG.

I ended up washing dishes, cleaning out drawers reorganizing my dresser, refolded baby clothes for the umpteenth time, cleaned mirrors, tried to sweep. I looked like a crazy woman at 8 in the morning. But hey what can you do?

My 39th week check-up was yesterday and it was a bit disappointing. Last week when they checked me I was 1cm dialated and 40% effaced (thinned out). This nothing has changed. I was hoping to be further along. I wanted to cry when I got home. My doctor said it seems like my little guy is being stubborn and he likes it a bit too much inside. He is already growing so big. They estimate that he is over 7 pounds now and who knows if he's not born anytime soon he might be 8.

So, the doctor said if I dont into labor by my due date: September 30, that they are going to induce me that Monday October 5th. I kinda don't wanna be induced, I've heard it to be a bit more painful since they stimulate contractions and they tend to come a bit faster (my answer to that: Epidural please!!) but because of a certain situation the earlier I have the baby the more time I'll have to recover before I travel. We'll see what happens. Keep me in your duas.

Eid Mubarak

Wishing you and your family Eid Mubarak. May Allah bless all of you on this day and make this day a joyous day. Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum (May Allah SWT accept our good deeds) Ameen.

8**Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just preparing for the arrival of the little one which is any day now. Insha'Allah he'll come today, which would be good alhamdulillah.***

Just When Everything Seemed to Be Going Smoothly

I've been so stressed lately. 9 months pregnant and stress, not a really good combination. Things have just been really hard. I'm really looking forward to the birth of my son but now it seems like everything is becoming an inconvenience or might I say how I really feel, I'm the one being an inconvenience.

You think I would have a grasp of expect the unexpected, especially being pregnant you never know what could happen. Alhamdulillah the baby and I couldn't be any healthier but once the baby is born my life is gonna be one roller coaster ride. The person that Im with right now (lets call them A) has to leave out of the country on October 12th for a really important family situation, we're talking court dates and all that lovely legal stuff., for 2 months. Now my due date is September 30th but how many women really give birth on their actual due date, like 2 percent? I could have the baby anytime from now til a week after my due date. Once A leaves Im gonna be here all by myself for 2 months which is gonna be impossible just after giving birth. I don't know anyone here where I live at and none of my family is close by at all. Then the harder part is that I don't drive yet, I only have my permit so I wouldn't be able to get around.

So here's where the diffuculty beings: I would go to NY and have the baby there, where my family is at but my insurance won't cover me while Im in NY. Major problem. I could apply for insurance in NY but it would take too long for it to be approved and I would most likely have the baby waaaay before then and that wouldn't help. It's too much of a risk not having insurance and something happening to me or the baby, Allah forbids.

Second option would be to wait til I have the baby, then go to NY and stay there for the 2 months. Problem: I have no idea when the baby is gonna be born and I can't be induced before my due date so it's cutting it close. Plus how am I gonna travel after giving birht and with a newborn baby. How do I know if I'm gonna have a normal vaginal birth or a c-section? If I have a c-section, there's no way I can travel right afterwards. Plus it puts the baby's health at risk.

Third option, is to find someone here to stay with or someone who could help me out here. I do have a friend who lives here but she's over an hour away and she's become extremely unreliable and our friendship has kinda strayed somewhat. Also, could I really trust anyone who is here? I'm not saying that Muslim sisters here can't be trusted but we all have somewhat of a trust issue, especially me. I try to keep a bit of distance until I can trust someone. I would have to fully rely on this person to make sure I can take my son to the doctor and get the things I need. If they fail on me, I would be in a serious predicament and I can't let that happen especially with my son.

I feel like Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's like what do I do? Which option would be less risky, all of them are risky. I just wanted the last month of my pregnancy to be stress free and uncomplicated but now Im faced with some difficult choices. I just don't know what to do except make dua, hope for the best, and stay positive. Everything happens by the will of Allah and he never puts us through anything we can't bear, even though it feels a bit unbearable at times but Im trying to remain strong. Insha'Allah, Allah will guide me to what is best. I just ask to keep me in your duas that this situation works out for the best.