I've been so stressed lately. 9 months pregnant and stress, not a really good combination. Things have just been really hard. I'm really looking forward to the birth of my son but now it seems like everything is becoming an inconvenience or might I say how I really feel, I'm the one being an inconvenience.
You think I would have a grasp of expect the unexpected, especially being pregnant you never know what could happen. Alhamdulillah the baby and I couldn't be any healthier but once the baby is born my life is gonna be one roller coaster ride. The person that Im with right now (lets call them A) has to leave out of the country on October 12th for a really important family situation, we're talking court dates and all that lovely legal stuff., for 2 months. Now my due date is September 30th but how many women really give birth on their actual due date, like 2 percent? I could have the baby anytime from now til a week after my due date. Once A leaves Im gonna be here all by myself for 2 months which is gonna be impossible just after giving birth. I don't know anyone here where I live at and none of my family is close by at all. Then the harder part is that I don't drive yet, I only have my permit so I wouldn't be able to get around.
So here's where the diffuculty beings: I would go to NY and have the baby there, where my family is at but my insurance won't cover me while Im in NY. Major problem. I could apply for insurance in NY but it would take too long for it to be approved and I would most likely have the baby waaaay before then and that wouldn't help. It's too much of a risk not having insurance and something happening to me or the baby, Allah forbids.
Second option would be to wait til I have the baby, then go to NY and stay there for the 2 months. Problem: I have no idea when the baby is gonna be born and I can't be induced before my due date so it's cutting it close. Plus how am I gonna travel after giving birht and with a newborn baby. How do I know if I'm gonna have a normal vaginal birth or a c-section? If I have a c-section, there's no way I can travel right afterwards. Plus it puts the baby's health at risk.
Third option, is to find someone here to stay with or someone who could help me out here. I do have a friend who lives here but she's over an hour away and she's become extremely unreliable and our friendship has kinda strayed somewhat. Also, could I really trust anyone who is here? I'm not saying that Muslim sisters here can't be trusted but we all have somewhat of a trust issue, especially me. I try to keep a bit of distance until I can trust someone. I would have to fully rely on this person to make sure I can take my son to the doctor and get the things I need. If they fail on me, I would be in a serious predicament and I can't let that happen especially with my son.
I feel like Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's like what do I do? Which option would be less risky, all of them are risky. I just wanted the last month of my pregnancy to be stress free and uncomplicated but now Im faced with some difficult choices. I just don't know what to do except make dua, hope for the best, and stay positive. Everything happens by the will of Allah and he never puts us through anything we can't bear, even though it feels a bit unbearable at times but Im trying to remain strong. Insha'Allah, Allah will guide me to what is best. I just ask to keep me in your duas that this situation works out for the best.