Well Im apparently going back to NY for a little visit. It was a bit unplanned but I guess it'll be a good thing. Its like I want to visit but then I dont want to. Ima bit stressed about it. I talked to my mom about it earlier this morning and it was the weirdest thing. You think she would of been jumping for joy since she hasn't seen me in 4 months. But it wasn't like that at all. She was 'Oh Really?!! Why?' What do you mean why? Im your daughter and your my mom, that's why and I haven't seen you in awhile. She was like okay, so I'll just see you when you get here. Then she went on saying happy belated birthday and asked what I did. I told her I don't celebrate birthdays. When I said there was some awkward silence on the phone, she was probably thinking what is wrong with this girl? She was even surprised that I didnt have a cake or any presents. Then what really thru me for a loop was when my mom said Merry Christmas. I'm like wait a minute, what made her say that. Mind you my mother is Muslim and knows we never ever celebrated Christmas, so why say something like that? I was a bit shocked like what the hell is going on? My husband was really shocked by it too. I just didn't understand it.
Now Im a bit uneasy about going. I love my mom to death, but I know how she is. Yes she knows Im remarried and all that and she's good about it. But I could almost hear the comments already about the whole birthday thing, the way Im dressing (boy can't wait to hear what she says when she sees I wear niqab), and that Im becoming extreme. I can hear it 400 miles away. I guess my best bet is to stay outta the house for as long as possible. It's only a week right?! But its gonna seem like a lifetime. I just don't like dealing with my family. Its one of the reasons I left in the first place. Im happy to see my mom but I know there's gonna be a lot of tension and the endless cycle of why you are doing this and why you are doing that, that I just don't wanna deal with right now. We love are parents but sometimes they can give you a headache to. WE are suppose to love them and respect them, which I do, but I don't agree with a lot the things she says and does. May Allah bless her and guide her to what is right.