Where Im At Right Now

Divorce has many emotional stages:-

Denial: "This is not happening to me. It's all a
misunderstanding. It's just a midlife crisis. We can work it
out."
Anger and resentment: "How can he [she] do this
to me? What did I ever do to deserve this? This is not fair!"
Bargaining: "If you'll stay, I'll change" or "If I agree to
do it [money, childrearing, sex, whatever] your way, can we get back
together?"
Depression: "This is really happening, I
can't do anything about it, and I don't think I can bear it."
Acceptance: "Okay, this is how it is, and I'd rather accept
it and move on than wallow in the past."

[source]

I've been throught the denial part. I think I'm still kind of denying it. Ive done the bargaining, trying to find some way to make it all work, hoping it was just phase or thinking we just needed more time.

Right now, Im at the anger and resentment part. Im just soo angry at him right now. I feel like why did you marry me in the first place if this was the case. I really feel like beating the crap outta something. May someone find me a punching bag?? Im serious!!

Im tryna keep my anger under control. A'udhu billahi minas Shaytanir Rajeem. I even started to lash out at him earlier and tried to pick a fight, maybe try to make him feel bad because of everything which wasn't a smart thing to do, but at least I apologized.
We'll see how the next stage goes.

Yâ hayyu yâ qayyüm, bi rahmatika astaghithu

(O You, the Everlasting and All-Sustainer, persistently do I invoke Your mercy)

‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi
yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin
huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan
min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana
rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi

(O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female
slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and
Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You
named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your
creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that
You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a
departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)

Ameen