Here's My Story

I had went to the doctor on Thursday Oct 8th @, after hearing conflicting views on whether I was gonna be induced or not, to get a second opinion from one of the other doctors. I was lucky to get an appointment so fast and didn't have to wait til the following week. So the did the NST again and for the second time Mr. baby didn't really cooperate. The doctor had checked me and I had dilated to 2 cm and was 70% effaced. A big difference a couple of days make. So my doctor told me that she was gonna go ahead and induce me since I was past 41 weeks. I wanted to jump up and hug her (but didn't). I was excited and nervous at the same time.

So I made my way over to the hospital. around 12 pm. Good thing the hospital and the doctor's office are connected, so I didn't have to walk far. I just smoothly made my way to L&D, they told me what room I was in, came in the room, met my nurse (who was oh so sweet), changed, took my vitals, answered a million and one question, had my IV put in (which was nearly painless), and was started on pitocin to start my contractions.

For awhile I was absolutely fine. I wasn't in any pain, which surprised my nurse because on the monitor my contractions where jumping off the chart. It was that way for a few hours. Around 7pm that's when they started to pick up just a little bit. The pain wasn't bad just a bit uncomfortable. Nothing I couldn't breathe thru. My nurse was the sweetest woman ever always asking me if I needed anything and making sure I was comfortable. I really couldn't eat anything. I was put on a clear liquid diet in where I can only drink water, juice and eat light things like crackers, Popsicles, broth. I think I fell in love with the Popsicles because that's what I kept asking for and they helped with the hunger pangs. I was just enjoying my time, peaceful, quiet relaxed, just watching TV. Everything was smooth sailing.

That didn't last long. Somewhere around 11pm was when the contractions where starting to become horrible. I never felt pain like that in my life. I tried moving around to see if it helped, it did a little bit. The nurse had given me something for the pain and I don't remember what it was but it made me feel really drowsy and light-headed but fortunately I was able to get some sleep. When I woke up about an hour or two later, I had reached my breaking point, my contractions were so painful. I was in tears because the pain was so unbearable. Its like I didn't even get a break to breathe between contractions because they where about a minute apart. The doctor didn't wanna give me an epidural then because it would slow down my labor and was making slow progress as it was. That's when it was really hard for me and not having someone there. Yes I was by myself throughout my labor, which wasn't bad in the beginning but I felt like I really needed someone there then just to hold my hand or just to lean on. It probably would have made me feel a lot better.

Around 4:30-5am, my hero (anesthesiologist) came to my rescue. I'm not gonna lie, the epidural did hurt a bit. I guess when you're not used to any needle going into your back yea its gonna hurt. Plus having to sit thru a painful contractions while they are doing doesn't make it any better but boy did I feel so much better afterwards. My legs felt like bricks, but thats better than the pain I was feeling. After that I had a really good sleep.

Around 7 am, my doctor (one who I haven't met before since she was on maternity leave when I first came to the office and wish I would have met her sooner) checked me. I was about 5 cm dilated. She broke my water to see if it would help dilate me faster. She came back about 2 hours later to see how I was doing, and I only dilated less than a centimeter and told me that the baby wasn't handling the contractions very well, that his heart dropped a little every time I had a contraction. Also that his head was more on one side instead of centered which was causind me to thin out more on one side than the other. So she said the best way to dleiver the baby was by c-section. I was a bit excited because I knew i didn't have long til I saw my baby's face but then I was nervous at the time and started crying because I really didn't wanna have a c-section but it was gonna happen whether I wanted it to or not. He wasn't coming out the natural way.

They started to prep me around 11:30am-12pm. They had to up the strength of my epidural where I wouldn't feel anything from my neck down. I had the funniest anesthesiologist ever. He was hilarious but it was comforting at that time since I was a bit scared. It helped calm my nerves. i was rolled into the OR at 12:30pm, and I felt that I was gonna have a panic attack. One it was REALLY cold in the room and I was shivering. And before I knew it they started my c-section. It wasn't that bad. I didnt feel anything except a lot of pressure when they where pulling him out. That was a bit uncomfortable. But all that pain went away when I heard him crying and I saw his face. The doctor said that he was looking straight up at the ceiling when he came out. So it was good that I had a c-section because it would of been really dificult to push him out if he was faced up like that. I started crying. It was such a relief to finally know it was all over. The nurse brought my baby over so I can see him up close and give him a kiss. He was so handsome and look just like his mom.

I finally got to hold him once I was back in my room and it was the most amazing feeling ever. Looking down at this little guy and not believing that he is actually mine. I was the happiest woman in the world. I don't think it really has sunken in yet still. That I'm actually a mom. Even though it can be rough at time, I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. I thank Allah each and everday for my little boy. He is truly a remarkable gift and blessing from Allah SWT.

He is Finally Here

After all the waiting, the little one has finally arrived, even though he had to be forced out. I was induced Thursday afternoon around 1 pm. and didnt deliver until the Friday afternoon. I was basically in labor for 24 hours and ended up having a c-section, which actually wasn't as bad as I thought. Reason why: baby wasn't handling the contractions very well. Everytime I had one his heart rate would drop a little. Then when he was born the doctor found he was face up, which makes it harder for them to come out. Plus he had a big head lol, just like his mom.
Anyway here are his stats:

Zayd Ahmad
Born Friday Oct 9, 2009
Weight: 8 lbs (big baby)
Length: 21 inches
Looks just like his mommy

I couldn't be an happier.

More details to come.

I'm Still Pregnant

Lets see...I'm 6 days past my due date and no baby yet. It's getting a little tiring but I know majority of babies come later than expected. They don't call it an estimated due date (EDD) for nothing. Waiting is just the worse part. But insha'Allah he'll come when he is ready, even though it seems like he doesn't. I guess my little boy is too attached to his mother.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday since I missed my appointment last Thursday. I had to do a nonstress test (NST) since Im past my due date. They hook you up to a fetal monitor to check the baby's heartbeat and movement. His heartbeat was good but he decided he didn't wanna move. I was there for an hour and I think he moved once, which really wasn't good. Then the doctor had checked me and still no change, still I cm dialated then he said that my cervix is pitiful. What a way to make a pregnant woman feel better. Then I got kinda nnoyed because he started to say things like my actual due date was Oct. 2 and that it would be cynical to induce me. Now the last doctor who saw me said that they didn't want me to go past 41 weeks and wanted to induce me by today. So its like Im hearing to different stories and its confusing the hell outta me. Everyone is saying something different. Thats the part I hate about seeing doctors in a group practice. You never see the same doctor and everyone seems to think a different way.

Well anyway, after the NST, the doctor sent me over to the hospital since the test was inconclusive, so they can continue the test, which he said can sometimes take a few hours and to do a biophysical profile, which basically is a sonogram to make sure the baby is okay. Once I got to the hospital, the little one started to move around and was more active than before. Im guessing that he didnt like the doctor, just like I didn't. Smart boy. So we both have a clean bill of health alhamdulillah. At least its reassuring to know that he is still thriving. I was kinda hoping that they would of kept me and induced my labor but for know its best if mr. baby stays put. He'll come when he is ready (insha'Allah Im hoping its this week), even though it is a bit stressful because Im still in the same situation as I wrote about a few post ago. It's just the Qadr of Allah SWT.

Just An Update

Alhamdulillah, Ive been doing well. Baby still hasn't come yet. It seems like he is gonna turn into an October baby. My due date is 5 days away and Im trying patiently to wait. I really wanna get this over with. I know people say its easier to take of a baby while its still in the womb than outside but I rather be able to see and hold my baby.

Its not like Im getting any sleep as it is. I get like 4 hours of sleep a day if Im lucky. Every way I try to lay is really uncomfortable and then I get really hot even with the air on. Also waking up 10 times in the middle of the night to use the bathroom isn't fun either. I still try to do things like cook and clean to keep myself busy but I can only do so much but I hate seeing dishes in the sink too. Like the other morning I woke up for fajr couldn't go back to sleep, so I got up made breakfast, watched a little tv and thought I could fall back asleep.

WRONG.

I ended up washing dishes, cleaning out drawers reorganizing my dresser, refolded baby clothes for the umpteenth time, cleaned mirrors, tried to sweep. I looked like a crazy woman at 8 in the morning. But hey what can you do?

My 39th week check-up was yesterday and it was a bit disappointing. Last week when they checked me I was 1cm dialated and 40% effaced (thinned out). This nothing has changed. I was hoping to be further along. I wanted to cry when I got home. My doctor said it seems like my little guy is being stubborn and he likes it a bit too much inside. He is already growing so big. They estimate that he is over 7 pounds now and who knows if he's not born anytime soon he might be 8.

So, the doctor said if I dont into labor by my due date: September 30, that they are going to induce me that Monday October 5th. I kinda don't wanna be induced, I've heard it to be a bit more painful since they stimulate contractions and they tend to come a bit faster (my answer to that: Epidural please!!) but because of a certain situation the earlier I have the baby the more time I'll have to recover before I travel. We'll see what happens. Keep me in your duas.

Eid Mubarak

Wishing you and your family Eid Mubarak. May Allah bless all of you on this day and make this day a joyous day. Taqabbal Allahu minna wa minkum (May Allah SWT accept our good deeds) Ameen.

8**Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just preparing for the arrival of the little one which is any day now. Insha'Allah he'll come today, which would be good alhamdulillah.***

Just When Everything Seemed to Be Going Smoothly

I've been so stressed lately. 9 months pregnant and stress, not a really good combination. Things have just been really hard. I'm really looking forward to the birth of my son but now it seems like everything is becoming an inconvenience or might I say how I really feel, I'm the one being an inconvenience.

You think I would have a grasp of expect the unexpected, especially being pregnant you never know what could happen. Alhamdulillah the baby and I couldn't be any healthier but once the baby is born my life is gonna be one roller coaster ride. The person that Im with right now (lets call them A) has to leave out of the country on October 12th for a really important family situation, we're talking court dates and all that lovely legal stuff., for 2 months. Now my due date is September 30th but how many women really give birth on their actual due date, like 2 percent? I could have the baby anytime from now til a week after my due date. Once A leaves Im gonna be here all by myself for 2 months which is gonna be impossible just after giving birth. I don't know anyone here where I live at and none of my family is close by at all. Then the harder part is that I don't drive yet, I only have my permit so I wouldn't be able to get around.

So here's where the diffuculty beings: I would go to NY and have the baby there, where my family is at but my insurance won't cover me while Im in NY. Major problem. I could apply for insurance in NY but it would take too long for it to be approved and I would most likely have the baby waaaay before then and that wouldn't help. It's too much of a risk not having insurance and something happening to me or the baby, Allah forbids.

Second option would be to wait til I have the baby, then go to NY and stay there for the 2 months. Problem: I have no idea when the baby is gonna be born and I can't be induced before my due date so it's cutting it close. Plus how am I gonna travel after giving birht and with a newborn baby. How do I know if I'm gonna have a normal vaginal birth or a c-section? If I have a c-section, there's no way I can travel right afterwards. Plus it puts the baby's health at risk.

Third option, is to find someone here to stay with or someone who could help me out here. I do have a friend who lives here but she's over an hour away and she's become extremely unreliable and our friendship has kinda strayed somewhat. Also, could I really trust anyone who is here? I'm not saying that Muslim sisters here can't be trusted but we all have somewhat of a trust issue, especially me. I try to keep a bit of distance until I can trust someone. I would have to fully rely on this person to make sure I can take my son to the doctor and get the things I need. If they fail on me, I would be in a serious predicament and I can't let that happen especially with my son.

I feel like Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's like what do I do? Which option would be less risky, all of them are risky. I just wanted the last month of my pregnancy to be stress free and uncomplicated but now Im faced with some difficult choices. I just don't know what to do except make dua, hope for the best, and stay positive. Everything happens by the will of Allah and he never puts us through anything we can't bear, even though it feels a bit unbearable at times but Im trying to remain strong. Insha'Allah, Allah will guide me to what is best. I just ask to keep me in your duas that this situation works out for the best.

If I Only Knew

I wish they would tell you before you get pregnant that sleeping comfortable in the last trimester is impossible. I don't think I've had a good night's rest in weeks. The only real sleep I get is any naps that I might get during the day. Its frustrating. Its making me moody, depressed, and everything in between. And they say rest up before the baby comes because they'll be no such thing as sleep. If only I could. I guess by the time I give birth Im gonna be a complete zombie. So if you see me blogging nonesense just know that I may be sleepwalking.

Day 2 of Ramadan

Alhamdulillah Ramadan is going pretty good. Yesterday it really didn't feel like it to me. I guess Im really used to being at the masjid around this time or having iftar with a lot of people. For nos its been peaceful and quiet since Im home mostly by myself. I guess also since Im not fasting, the reality hasn't really set in.
I know of few pregnant women who do fast but being a little over 34 weeks Ive opted out. For one if I dont eat on a regular basis, I get severe headaches and nausea. Even if I don't drink water, I feel my body really slowing down. I wish I could fast but right now the health of me and my baby are important. Plus my doctor has advised me not too especially since Ive already lost a pound within a week and thats with barely moving and eating. Its too risky. In all honesty, Im not looking to make up the whole month, but I know I have to. In due time I will and insha'Allah Allah will make it easy for me.
Insha'Allah, I pray that Allah(SWT) make all of your fast easy on you and accept all of them. Keep me in your duas.

Ramadan Mubarak

Wishing you all a very blessed Ramadan. May Allah (SWT) accept our fast and duas.

You Wouldn't Believe What Happened

Well yesterday started off as a normal, regular day. I had a doctor's appointment in the morning, everything was well. I came home and relaxed. Around 7 I had went on a hospital tour of the maternity ward. Pretty interesting huh?! After I was home, prayed my salaat. I wasn't feeling too good so I was laying down in my room until I got hungry and went downstairs in the kitchen to eat.
It was a pretty bad thunderstorm. You can hear the lightining striking every few seconds. So I was sitting at the table in the kitchen eating my dinner. Right when I finished, I started to take sip of my apple juice and outta no wear you hear this big boom, see this flash of light and the next thing I knew I felt a big shock go up my right foot into my leg. The cup dropped from my hands and I screamed. At first I really didn't no what happened. I was kinda in a state of shock (no pun intended). It took a while to register what had happened. My foot and my leg were hurting pretty bad at first then I just shook it off. I thought I was fine. Then I was checking to see if the baby was moving since he was moving right before it happened. I monitored his movement for about an hour and didn't feel anything so it had me really worried. I called the doctor and she told me to go to the ER to be checked out.

So at 12 mid, I made my way to the ER. They had me hooked up to fetal monitors, making sure I didn't have any burns. Alhamdulillah, the baby and I are ok. The baby is healthier than ever and I couldn't be happier. I didn't get home til almost 5 in the morning but at least Im ok.

Right now Im just kinda laughing at what happened, even though it really isn't a laughing matter. It's more like did I really get shocked by lightining?! I mean how many people do you know that has happened too. Also what's funny is that I just toured the labor and delivery floor and now I got a personal tour. This time instead of looking at everything from afar I got to test it out. Can't beat that huh?

Well now I know when its a really bad thunderstorm dont eat your dinner at a rod iron table on a tiled floor barefoot that just makes you the perfect conductor. Boy do I have a story to tell my son when he gets older, insha'Allah. Maybe he might come out with a mohawk or a lightining bolt scar on his forehead like Harry Potter lol. But its definitely something to remember.

Baby Update

I had my 34 week check-up today and alhamdulillah my little munchkin and I are doing well. I also passed my glucose test YAY!! That was good news to hear. Baby's heartbeat is nice and strong, it should be with all the moving he does. He is already head down just waiting til the big day and breaking my pelvis in two at the same time. One funny thing is that I lost one pound. The doctor said its completely normal to lose a few pounds at this stage. So that's one less pound to carry around, not like it makes a big difference just one down 25 more to go.
I keep having this weird dream where my water breaks while at Eid prayer. Maybe Im just being paranoid but that would be a great story to tell if it did. Allahu alim.

Ramadan is approaching

Time is flying by so fast. Last Ramadan seems like it was only yesterday and now its here again. In all honesty I don't know if Im really prepared for it. I guess this year will be a lot different than last year.
Last Ramadan was pretty good alhamdulillah. I was single and working, which didn't interfere with my fasting. The great part about my job was that I only worked about 3 days a week so I was still able to be in the masjid on my days off and had a lot of time to read and pray. I always loved being in the masjid. At the time, it was so much better than being home. It felt great being around other Muslim sisters. I definitely made a lot of new friends and was able to see old friends. That sisterhood and togetherness is what I loved so much and I guess that's what I love about every Ramadan.
This Ramadan most likely is gonna be a bit different. For one, Im 8 1/2 months pregnant, so I wont be able to fast. It's kinda a bummer, some might say Im lucky, but I'd still have to make up all those days afterwards. At least now I can focus on doing more optional salaat, du'a, reading Qur'an. Another thing that kinda bothers me is that I just moved to a complete new state so I don't really know anyone besides one person. I haven't been to the masjid at all, mostly because everytime I had the intention on going I ended not feeling well. Also the masjid closest to my house is pretty small so only the brothers go there. The other masjid is about 30 mins. away and at this time I don't like traveling too far from home unless I necessarily have to.
I've always wanted to have one big iftaar every week and invite a lot of sisters over. Especially now since I have a lot of space in my new home it would be absolutely perfectI always have the intention to cook but my body really limits me nowadays from doing any hardwork. So really my intentions for this Ramadan is just too take it easy and just focus on my deen. What better way could you spend Ramadan?

All is Well For Now

I had my glucose screening test today. Wasn't too bad I suppose. Well having to drink that nasty stuff was the worse part for me. And to my surprise the nurse asked me which flavor I wanted, fruit punch or orange? Im like wow I get to pick my poison, fun. Like one was suppose to taste better than the other?! I stuck with orange which tasted like flat orange soda mixed with something that I can't even describe. All I know is that my baby got a good sugar rush from it. He was kicking and squirming the entire 3 hours I was there at the office. He is usually quiet that time of morning but I guess you give a high dosage of sugar to anyone and they'll be up and moving too.

Anyway I'll find out Monday if I have GD or not. If I do I'll get a call around 12 noon, if I don't no call. Kinda weird isn't it but oh well. Insha'Allah I won't receive a phone call, but if I do I'll be prepared for it.

I Failed

Today I had to go to the doctor to do my glucose screening test, which screens for gestational diabetes. It's a simple procedure where you have to fast the night before (I couldn't eat or drink anything after 11pm). You then have to get your blood drawn so they can check your glucose levels. Well mine weren't like sky high but I failed by just a few points. They want it to be below 100, mines was 103, so not too far off. So now I have to go in tomorrow morning (another 8 am appointment-ugh) and do a 3 hour tolerance test. For this test I have to drink that lovely orange concoction and have blood drawn every hour for 3 hours. Sounds like a lot of fun.

The results today just kinda threw me off track. I was a bit worried at first. The nurse said there isn't anything to worry about. Just because I failed the test today doesn't mean I have gestational diabetes. I really hope not. It's strange because Ive maintained a pretty healthy diet even before I was pregnant. I wasn't too crazy on the junk food or candy, only once in a while. I read that only 4 to 7 percent of pregnant women do develop gestational diabetes and those more at risk are older women, obese women, those who have a family history of diabetes, and Native Americans, Latin Americans, and African Americans. I don't fit into the obese or older woman part, but my family does have a history diabetes (my father, grandfather, and grandmother had it) and Im part African American and Native American.

I guess I shouldn't freak myself out right now. Alhamdulillah, atleast everything else is completely normal. Insha'Allah all will be well and I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. Just keep me in your duas.

I Was Right All Along

I had went to my doctor's appointment today and finally found out the sex of my little one. Alhamdulillah its a BOY. I wasn't overly thrilled because I had a feeling that it was a boy all along. They say boys tend to move and kick a lot more than girls. All I can say is that Im carrying a little kick boxer.
As for everything else, the doctor says Im perfectly healthy, everything is normal. Basically a textbook pregnancy. No complications whatsoever. Lucky to say that Ive only gained 22 pounds since before I was pregnant which is a good thing since Im suppose to stay within 25-35 lbs. So Im on track. Now I have to my doctor every 2 weeks from this point on and once I hit 36 weeks, every single week until I pop. Boy how time seriously flies. It seems like a moment ago I just found out I was pregnant and now Im gonna be giving birth, insha'Allah in 8 weeks. I feel so blessed.

Sometimes I Feel Like Going Naked

Nowadays Ive found clothes to be kinda annoying. My body is going thru all these changes so fast that I can barely keep up. It first hits you in those first couple of months when you can't button your pants and your shirt starts to feel a little more snug.
At first I was fine, I could easily throw my abaya on and it wouldn't be a problem but now I honestly can't stand wearing abaya. It's really hard for me to say that because I love my abayas and practically wore one everday. Its one of the easiest outfits to put on. But for some reason they just aren't as comfortable. Well I know why one isn't so comfortable because I went to go put in on a month and found it to be a little to tight in certain places. I think I stared in the mirror in horror. I couldn't believe my body had changed so fast.
I haven't gained much weight at all. Besides for my belly getting bigger and chest being slightly larger (make that humongous), my body is pretty much still the same.
Back to my abayas, I have no idea why I dislike them so much. They are loose and have room for me to move but I guess sometimes I feel like they just don't fit right anymore with my stomach. I find myself trying to adjust it and it gets irritating. If only the made maternity abayas maybe that would help. So I won't be buying any new abayas til after the baby is born.

Ive always kinda hated the idea of maternity clothes. Some of the clothes look horrendous or fit so snug to the body to the point where you wonder how is that gonna fit. Plus I also find it a waste of money. When you're pregnant you grow so fast that your clothes can't keep up, so it makes no sense to run out and but a whole new wardrobe soon as you start to show. The only that I bought that is from the maternity section are nursing bras and pants. For the pants, I say just to buy 2 or 3 pairs, one in black and the other in a neutral color. Those can easily be worked into any wardrobe.
What I've been wearing lately are a lot of dresses. Since maxi dresses are in style and you can find them in almost any store, they have been a lifesaver. Alhamdulillah Ive been able to find really nice ones that are loose enough and just to make sure they wont be snug I just go one size up. Only Allah knows how big my belly will get, so it's better to be safe than sorry. I can always easily take them in afterwards. All the other clothes I have I bought in regular sizes. All I did was go one size up, that way I can wear it when I wont have a big watermelon in my stomach.

Also what has been a lifesaver is shopping in my moms closet. She had a lot of clothers that she didn't wear or anymore or is too big for her since she lost weight and I just snatched whatever I could. Thamks to her I have a closet full of clothes that I can wear that I don't feel like tearing off.
I still have those days where I don't wanna wear anything because I get so hot. This baby is like my own personal heater. I just radiate so much heat. Perfect in the winter, not so cool when its 90 degrees out. A lot of ice cold water and cool air helps.

Only 9 more weeks to go insha'Allah...........

Settling back down

I've been back two days now and trying to settle back into some type of routine. When I was in NY everything was shot to hell, my eating schedule and especially my sleep. It's like the bigger your belly gets during pregnancy the harder it is to sleep. Im normally a stomach sleeper but of course thats out the window. It's like sleeping on a big watermelon now. I've been kept up by night by heartburn, which I never had before in my life until and now I know why its called heartburn. What also drives me a little nuts are these crazy hunger pangs I get early in the morning. Ive been up many of times at 5 in the morning fixing something to eat just to wake up 2 hours later and be hungry again. I don't think Ive ever ate so much in my life. But hey whatever the little one needs I don't hesitate no matter how annoying it may be.
So far I've been having a pretty good pregnancy. It's been a very ttextbook pregnancy nothing out of the ordinary. The baby moves around a lot, I dont have any preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, no swelling at all, no anemia, no serious issue. Ive only been plagued with from time to time bad backaches and fatigue but alhamdulillah its getting better.
The only thing which I found to be odd was that I was a bit depressed from time to time. I had days where all I wanted to do was sleep. I would get irritated and annoyed very easily and for the silliest things. Crying became almost an everyday habit. At times I felt like I wasn't gonna be a good mother or I was in someway hurting my baby and kept apologizing for it. Sometimes I wouldn't wanna talk to anyone and just wanted to be left alone. It got so bad where I couldn't sleep at night and where I would lose my appetite but would force myself to eat. I really thought I was going crazy. I always heard of postpartum depression but never being depressed while you are pregnant. But my doctor said its more normal than I thought, that it happens to a good amount of women. I was a bit relieved by it but the only things is that women who suffer with depression during pregnancy are more likely to develop postpartum depression.
Alhamdulillah Im doing so much better. Fortunately I didn't have to take any anti-depression medication. I just really started to take it easy and spend more time just relaxing and taking things easy. Lots and lots of du'a has helped also. I still cry very easily but what pregnant women doesn't? Im happy and excited and I feel truly blessed and can't wait to meet my little one. Insha'Allah all will be well.

Guess Who?

As-Salaamu Alaikum everyone. I know Ive been gone for such a long time and I see a lot of emails asking where Ive been but im back now. I guess my little vacation to NY turned out to be a loong vacation (if I could call it that). Ive been away for a little over 3 months and alhamdulillah it was a good time. I got to spend a lot of time with my mom and family, something I haven't really done. It was somewhat relaxing minus my 2 brothers who would wake me up early in the morning to terrorize me. That's what brothers are for. I got back in last night after crazy delays due to the lovely rain. I was on the plane sitting on the tarmac for 2 hours before we took off then add that to a 3 hour flight, not fun at all.
Alhamdulillah Im feeling absolutely great. Im healthy, happy, and renewed. I definitely missed all of you and I know I have a lot of catching up to do which might take me another 3 months lol but I don't mind. Gives me something to do in my spare time.
I know I put in my last post that I'll have good news when I get back. I guess that news is long overdue. I am pregnant. I know I waited so long to say so. Im 31 weeks now and so ready to get over it. Im really excited about it and can't wait for my little bundle of joy to get here. I decided to not know the sex. I want it to be a surprise. Its just more to look forward to. Doesn't make shopping any easier but I guess I'll manage. Who says a girl always has to be dressed in pink and a boy dressed in blue? I wouldn't be able to stand to see an ocean of pink and blue, thats just me.
Anyway it feels good to be back and can't wait to share more with you but for right now I need to go do something to alleviate my aching back lol. Gotta love babies.

And Im Off..

Well, Im off tomorrow morning, just decided to give the head's up. Sayonara everyone and insha'Allah see you when I get back. May Allah bless all of you.

I'm Back But...

Alhamdulillah Im feeling much better and it feels good to be blogging again. I really missed it and of course I missed all of you. Even though Im back the bad news is that Im gonna be going away in a couple of days to visit my family and Im gonna be gone for a few weeks. Yea it sucks and I know once I get to NY I'll barely have time to blog. Too much to do, many people to see, and A LOT of shopping to do. Insha'Allah I'll have a good time. Im just really really excited. Not too excited about the weather tho. It's so nice and warm here and NY isn't too cold but its cold enough for someone who has lived in the South for almost a whole year. Just have to make sure I have my jacket to stay warm. Aanyway catch you later and I might have a surprise when I get back ;)

Bear With Me

Im sorry I haven't been posting as much, I wish I could but my body doesn't let me at this point. Its like one day Im feeling okay and the next I take a spiral plunge, just back and forth. I just wanted to let you guys no that I haven't disappeared. Im still here just waiting for a day that I feel a bit better. Im not all that great today but I just feel guilty for just leaving everyone hanging out there and worrying about me. Insha'Allah I'll be fully back soon. Just keep me in your dua's. Don't hesitate to e-mail me for I do check me e-mail everyday-I guess its habit or maybe waiting for good news ;). May Allah keep you all safe and well insha'Allah. Love ya

Another Moment of Randomness

Finally Im feeling well enough and have the energy to post. I've just been Miss crazy lady trying to get a lot of things done and settle into my new life in a new place. Its been exciting and hard. Hard because I don't know anybody and I haven't really been to the masjid yet, insha'Allah this Friday I will and meet new sisters.
Life can be a bit crazy at times but hey that's life right. There's so much going on that I won't talk about here, but in time I will. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. I don't wanna see here and reflect so much on the negative things. All that does is just sends you into a spiraling depression to the point you don't know how to get out of it. And I refuse to be depress about anything. I tell myself all the time 'Don't worry be happy" and hey it works 99% of the time except when Im just in a crappy mood, which is rare, and I just don't give a damn about anything. But that's nothing a huge ice cream sundae or a Caramel Frappucino or strawberry cheesecake can't fix :). Yes sugar makes me happy. At times a little to happy. It is addictive and I consider it to be a drug. If I have way too much sugar, I start bouncing of the walls and can't stop. Yes I have issues but hey it makes me unique so I'm not complaining.
I'm a bit homesick. I miss NYC. Its hard not too. Growing up in a big city with all the bright lights and everything moving at the speed of light and being in vast mix of people, who wouldn't love it. I'm a city girl at heart, but I love the piece and quiet too and listening to the birds chirp instead of blaring car horns or rush hour traffic. I miss the people in all of their craziness. NYC is one heck of a place, so different than anything else in the world. Everything is easy, everything is accessible, and everything is damn expensive to but you'll learn the trick of everything once you're settled there. Its not too hard. You can't really stand out to much there because there's so much uniqueness and diversity that everyone just blends in. Except for the few wild ones here and there.
Besides the point I plan on visiting mid-April. I'm happy my mom will have a whole week off so I can spend as much time as I can. Last time I went, it drew me crazy and I couldn't wait to leave because it was so freaking cold. When I first left NY it was still summer with 75 degree temperature and where I left to was like 85 for that month. Once you leave NY, its so hard too adjust to the climate again. Being here in the South it doesn't get that cold and Im being really spoiled, especially since this whole weekend has been 80 degrees. An early spring present. I can't wait to visit all my friends, go visit the masjids I use to go to, definitely go shopping, and most importantly eat!! NYC has some really good halal restaurants and there are plenty in number. I think that's one of the things I miss the most. Where I live at now, there are a few here and there but they aren't that great. Now in NY, within a mile radius you can easily have your Arab food, Indian food, Soul food, Italian, and Chinese. Yes a halal Chinese Restaurant and there food is unbelievably awesome. Can;'t wait to get my hands on that.
Okay let me stop talking about food because I'm making myself hungry and maybe you too. Insha'Allah can't wait to visit home and have fun.
Speaking of traveling I'm planning on going to Paris and Morocco this summer. Am I excited? I'd be crazy if I wasn't. I've never been outta the country before and I've always wanted to travel, so why not? I might as well take the opportunity while I'm still breathing. I'll let you know how that'll turn out.
Thanks again for tuning into another post of the randomness. See you next time :)

It's Been Tooooooo Long

Please forgive me for the pretty long disappearance. Fortunately I wasn't kidnapped, nor did I suffer from a severe illness, alhamdulillah. My crazy Internet service provider aka AT&T, screwed up my internet service for the past 2 weeks and didnt fix it until today. Gotta love those people. Im just grateful that problem has been solved after numerousd phone calls and a little unpolite behavior at times.
It feels good to be back. Ive so missed blogworld. I wonder how would life be without the Internet? It would be one lonely world and indeed it was for a short period of time. I mean not being to e-mail, blog, or do anything. I guess we are just pretty spoiled people. I feel complete now that its back on. Do you think that's a sad thing to say, especially there are many people in the word who don't even have a telephone and they are still surviving just nicely? The world revolves around technology. Yes life becomes easier with it, but we also become slaves to it. I realized when I haven't been able to access the Internet, I had a lot more time to read the Islamic books that have been collecting dust, was able to read a lot more Qur'an then I normally did, had more time to devout to voluntary prayers. Insha'Allah I'll try to continue it and wont let things try to distract me again. But we are only human and no one is perfect, right?
On another note, Im doing well, have been feeling better. Been making progress with things and loving my semi-independence right now. I realized sometimes the bad things that seem to happen to us turn out to be the exact thing that we needed.

I Believe Its Time For an Update

AsSalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu,

I realized I haven't really blogged in awhile. Im sorry, I guess you guys missed me a bit since I keep getting emails asking how Ive been and such. Well I think its only fair that I say something. Alhamdulillah Im doing okay. I haven't been feeling well for the past week, hence why I haven't blogged. I just didn't have the energy and at times looking at the computer screen gave me a headache, so I couldn't be on for more than 5 mins. Ive been doing better and getting better as the week goes on. Insha'Allah I'll be as good as new soon. Ive also been pretty busy trying to get things together. Its been crazy and it doesn't help that my memory is getting worse. I know you hear this a lot but I really would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body. Somedays I did feel like my head was somewhere in the sky. Just taking everything one step at a time and trying not to overwhelm myself.
I really didn't realize how many people read my blog until I kept getting e-mails from people saying they've fallen in love with my blog or they can't get enough. Im truly grateful for all my readers and all the friends I made through this blog. When I first started blogging I never thought anyone wanted to read about my boring life (guess my life isn't that boring). My intention was just to have a place where I can express my thoughts and feelings freely and meet other sisters across the world. I had a diary a looooong time ago, but Im lazy and writing takes to long. Thank Allah for keyboards, couldn't live without it.
But I just wanna say thank you to all of you for reading my blog and I hope that I can keep it interesting for you to keep reading. I also wanna thank all the sisters I truly believe I have made lifelong frienships with. Thanks for helping me thru some of my difficult times and being there for me when I needed someone to talk to. You are truly a great blessing from Allah. Love you all for the sake of Allah.

I Love to Laugh

I was jus googling earlier looking at random pictures. I know Ange has used a few of them on her blog and I found them absolutely hilarious. Im extremely tired this morning, and I needed something silly to wake me up since I don't have coffee and Im watching a 1 year old who likes to eat crayons. Here they are. Enjoy!!

Okay I need to stop before I get carried away lol. Im sorta awake right noe, but I think Im going back to bed. Catch ya later.

Is It Me?

Is it just me or are people just a little slow? I had forward the following joke that my mom had sent me to a few of my friends and they said they didn't get it. Im like huh? I know my sense of humor isn't that dry. It really cracked me up. Well I'll let you be the judge of it:

Sad News…

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.

Black and White

Black and White - by muslimaheyes on Polyvore.com

I always love black and white combination. Always chic.

Tag!!! I'm it

I've been tagged twice by : Umm Ismail and Jamilah from Revert Muslimah, thank you sisters. I feel loved twice over.

NOTE: You have to add one additional "favorite" thing to the endof the list when you answer.

Favorite color: Red, if I could find a red abaya I so would wear ir

Favorite perfume (guys): Curve

Favorite perfume (girls): Vera Wang Princess

Favorite pj brand: Anything comfy and soft, but I love Victoria's secret Pink

Favorite clothes brand in general: Hmmm...can't decide maybe H&M

Favorite person in the entire world: I consider everyone my favorite

Favorite country: Definitely not the USA.

Favorite car: Black Range Rover

Favorite sport:I don't like sports

Favorite sport player: David Beckham, cuz he's cute lol

Favorite spot in America: NYC, sometimes

Favorite animal: Love the little kitties

Favorite movie: Too many to choose from, categorical wise: dramas and comedies

Favorite singer: N/A

Favorite day in the week: Friday

Favorite time of the day: Sunset

Favorite holiday season: Eid

Favorite number: 2

Favorite food: Pizza

Favorite chocolate: Godiva, I could use some right now

Favorite cartoon: I kinda can't stand cartoons now. When you have a 3 year old thats all thats ever on the TV is cartoons. I learned my ABCs all over again and how to spell the word CAT.

Favorite blogger: that's a tough one, I don't disrciminate, I love everyone's blog

Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Strawberry Cheescake

Favorite Mobile Brand: I really don't like any of them

Favorite name: Arianna and Maimuna, if I have a daughter thats gonna be her name, if my husband allows it lol

Favorite hobby: Reading

Favorite room in my house: My bedroom, can't sleep without it lol

Favorite Fruit: Strawberry

Favorite flower: Roses are so overrated, calla lilly, daisy, and any bright colorful pretty looking flower that smells good.

Favourite Qur'an Recitor: Mishary Alsary

Favorite Islamic Book: The Sealed Nectar,

I will add: favorite thing to do: Laugh and smile

Favorite quote: "Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."

I don't know who hasn't been tagged yet, so I tag whoever hasn't been tagged yet.

Love Ya

Allah is Surely Merciful

AsSalaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Im sorry for being away for so long. Ive been around but just was taking a break. Im not fully back yet because there are a few more things that need to be straightened out but alhamdulillah Allah SWT has answered my du'as and made it easy plus added something else to it. Surely patient and perserverence can make a difference and surely after hardship comes ease. It really makes me feel silly how much I was worrying about things and thinking I would never find peace and contentment.

Allah marvels about the despair of His slaves and the nearness of his good, He looks at you, and you are very desperate, so He keeps laughing, because He knows that your relief is very soon"

Narrated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal {Vol. 4/12} and Ibn Majah {no.# 181} and Ibn Abu Asim {no.#554}, and Al-Bayhaqi {pg.473}. And the hadith has been authenticated by Sh. Al-Albani (rahimallah) in As-Sahih, {no.# 28109}

Subhan'Allah, Allah is surely Most gracious, Most Merciful and I am nothing more than a grateful servant.

Change

Im thinking of changing my background again. Im getting a bit bored with it. Change is always good. We are constantly changing, hopefully for the better. And right now change is needed. I feel like I have grown as a person and learned to understand things a bit better. Alhamdulillah, Allah SWT has guided me to what's best and Im grateful for it because I wouldnt have been able to do it on my own. I feel more at ease and peace with myself and now I feel like Im able to handle anything that comes my way. Its just a sense of renewal, exactly what I needed and it surely came at the right time.

Change is coming to this blog, so WATCH OUT :)

Jumuah Mubarak

I said that i was going on a little hiatus but I just felt like giving everyone a little update on whats going on with me. Alhamdulillah Im enjoying my time here in Atlanta. Its been fun and exciting. Seeing new things, meeting new people. I like it except for the traffic and I thought NYC traffic was bad. I guess its that way since the only way to get to anyplace here is on the highway. Atlanta, the city of highways, thats what it should be called. Anyways Im having a good time. I miss home just a tiny bit but its always good to get away for awhile especially with everything that is going on at home. I went to Jumuah today. I always like to visit other masjids. It was quite small and cramped. There wasnt a separate section for women, they just sat right behind the men which is a bit uncomfortable for me. Everyone alhamdulillah was friendly, a sister helped me take off my coat, but I think they were apprehensive towards me since I was the only niqabi among all these women. They probably thought me as extreme but hey to each his own. The good thing is that when me and my friend were going out the door (there's one entrance for the men and woman), there were a bunch of men standing right outside the door. When they saw me they immediately jumped outta my way. They probably figured this woman is really serious so move. Im not saying that woman who wear niqab take their deen more seriously than anyone else because I know many non-niqabis who act more islamic than some niqabis I know, but a lot of people are under that impression that we are. But anyway it was a good experience overall. Insha'Allah I plan on going to this masjid that was a block away from this restaurant I went to. It was one of the most gorgeous masjids Ive seen. It had these huge golden-copper domes and tall minarets. can't wait to see what the inside looks like.
Yesterday I went to this really good halal restaurant here. It was so beautiful inside, so chic. They even had an Islamic store in the back, so you can shop and eat all in the same place. I had chicken shawarma and boy was it good. It was a huge plate and I ate ALL of it plus had some of my friends fries. I was starving. Usually I can only eat half of my plate and Ill save the rest, but it was too good to stop lol. When there is good food around, I am there with fork ready lol. Im silly. Then I saw they had baklava, my favorite desert. They were nice and sweet and fat, just how I like it. I absolutely love baklava, now I need to learn how to make it but I dont think that'll be a good idea because I'll be making it all the time and I'll need to be working out 5 hours a day hehe.
So Im enjoying myself. There's still a lot to see and a lot to do. I'll keep you updating on how my little vacationing is going, insha'Allah. See you all later, masalaama =)

10 Things About Me

I was tagged by the lovely Empress Anisa . So here a some random things about YasminL-

1-I'm a very sensitive person but Im too good at hiding it. I always try to act tough like nothing can ever bother me, but behind close doors I'll start crying like a baby.

2-I get frustrated being around a lot of people. I think Ive just recently developed this in the past year. I really don't like being around a large group of people. AI could do it for like 20 mins. and then I'm like let me get the hell out of hear.

3-I have major hearing issues. Sometimes I have to ask people 3-4 times what did they say. My husband gets annoyed by it, but its not my fault. I really can't hear half the time or maybe people are just speaking too low. But Ive gone to the doctor and they say my hearing is fine. My mom says I only choose what I wanna hear, so not true in some cases. Just one of those mysteries that can't be solved.

4-I have a habit of overcleaning the kitchen. I swear I can't stand being in a dirty kitchen or seeing dishes in the sink. I feel like I wash dishes twenty times a day. I'll scrub the counters and the stoves til my fingers hurt. I guess Im a bit obsessive when it comes to that.

5-I talk to myself sometimes. Its a bit scary but you know how when you're doing something and you just start saying what you're doing or like where did I put that thing. I do it all the time. I'll even start talking to my phone saying something like "stop falling", like it's actually gonna listen to me and do what I say.

6-I'm a over joyous person. I love to smile and laugh 95% of the time. Even when Im depressed I'll find a reason just to laugh. I hate having a frown on my face, it causes wrinkles. Plus a smile is a form of sadaqah, so why not smile?

7-I can never stay mad for too long. The longest Ive been mad at someone was maybe 2 hours and that's because I was acting like I was mad when I really wasn't. I don't know what it is no matter what anyone does to me or say to me, I can easily forgive them and move on. I never hold on to grudges. What's the point of stressing over something that you are probably gonna forget the very next day?

8-I constantly check my eyes to see if there's anything in them. I hate to walk around and still have sleep in my eyes.

9-I realize I say 'like, 'you know', and 'i guess' a million times when I talk. I guess its a habit but funny. It's funny when someone points it out and I still continue to say it during the conversation.

10-Sometimes I have a really hard time trying to convey my point of view. It's like on the tip of my tongue, but yet I can never get it out or I think it'll come out the wrong way or people will misunderstand me, that's why I like to stay quiet.

Okay I'm breaking the rules and adding another one-

11-I hate being alone. I can stand a few hours at home by myself but for a whole day or more than that, I can't do it. I swear I have an anxiety attack. I like to be around people. It was my biggest fear growing up as a child and I guess Im still scared of it.

Here I Go Again

AsSalaam Alaikum everyone. I know its been awhile since Ive posted, but I hate to say that Im taking a little break from blogging. I just have a lot going on right now that I need to focus on and I need time to focus on me. It seems like right now my mind isn't in the right place to write. Its not really writers/blogger block, but I just need to take a break and analyze a lot of things. Insha'Allah when I come back I'll be better than new. I'll try to post here and there but Im not making any promises, but I'll keep you updated with what's going. So how long am I gonna be away at least for a few weeks. I know its a long time, but I'll be back before you know it. I love you all for the sake of Allah and I ask that you make du'a for me and insha'Allah I'll keep you in mine. May Allah bless you all.

Home Sweet Home

As-Salaaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
I'm finally home. After a loong week in NY, it feels so good to be back. I never knew I could miss a place so much in my life. I hope everyone didn't miss me that much :) I surely missed you guys. I didnt really do much when I was in NY since it was freezing cold and I don't like the cold. I managed to see one of my friends and my grandfather, aunt, and of course my mom and brothers. I know my mom was sad to see me go, even after all the negative comments I received about my niqab and abayah, but Im just gonna let it all go. I know who I am and what I beleive that and if anyone doesn't like it, then that's you; it doesn't harm me in the least. All I ask is for Allah to guide them.
I just wanna apologize to those I didnt get a chance to meet up with. Everything that happened didnt go according toplan. I was suppose to be back this evening but I ended up leavin yesterday morning, so it really screwed my plans. Insha'Allah, I'll make it the next time. Alhamdulillah everything is good and I couldn't be any happier. I have a lot of catching up to do, but all in due time. Hope all of you have been well.